I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
