i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
