At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize