he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
