you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
