How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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