So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
