He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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