"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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