The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
