false alarm. still invincible.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
