I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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