I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
