Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
