Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
