Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
People in love make me want to vomit
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
