My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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