It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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