You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
