i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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