I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we're so committed to being not committed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
