Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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