Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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