the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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