is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There's always time for handjobs
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
