On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
