the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
