I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
