just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
