I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
