I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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