omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
