shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
