I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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