Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He kissed a someone with a penis
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
