went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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