Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
should my penis look like a turkey
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
