Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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