I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just want to make out with him forever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
