We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
