put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
