considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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