Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
