pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
