i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
