i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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