I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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