from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
