Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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