too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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