wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
