we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
