That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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