i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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