Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
