I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
