I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
