Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
