I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
