If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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