You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
