he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
