Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
