Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
