All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
