I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
