Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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