I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
