Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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