I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
