Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
